Essentials of Getting Dressed #07: Dressing Through Grief, Loss & Heartbreak

I discuss the intersection between fashion, sadness and self-esteem.

Blending casual and luxury. Full look description below.

Lately, I have felt plagued by overwhelming heartbreak and loss. During times of grief my sense of self-worth is at its most vulnerable, as is the case for many of us. We find ourselves ruminating over what we could have done differently, or how we managed to manifest such pain into our lives to begin with. Creativity withers in this confusion. We might cook less and order more, feel less comfortable in our skin, dress to hide and feel left with little self-esteem to enjoy our minds, our bodies or our lives. Being at our most vulnerable is when we require the most love, care and patience, yet feeling depressed can drain us of the very energy required to show up for ourselves.

Trying to dress myself out of a depression is obviously not the answer, but this week I have connected with so many friends who have given me the opportunity to dress in ways that help me feel like myself, which is extraordinarily healing. Here, I head out for a day at the park with an old friend, then to a birthday bar crawl with a new one:

Day and night. Above, in a Uniqlo sweater, socks and bag, Scanlan Theodore turtleneck, DÔEN pants (available in beige), Tod’s loafers, Able ring and earrings with a Goldstories necklace. Below, wearing head-to-toe Scanlan Theodore plus a Kate Spade bag with Able accessories and the same necklace from Goldstories.

“You never want to be the intern in a Rolex.” I remember our deputy fashion director saying as much in a meeting where she pitched a story on graduation watches. It was apparently an unspoken rule in the corporate world, and especially noticed in fashion—If you’re entry level, don’t look “too rich.” It rubs people the wrong way, makes you look entitled and, essentially, makes people not like you.

Through my recent suffering my self-esteem has taken an inevitable hit, which has of course made me question my general level of success in life. While sad to admit, it feels important not to gloss over the ways grief manifests itself. Lately I have tried to reach for more of my nicer pieces without guilt because, well, they are my clothes and hey, maybe wearing quality fabrics will remind me I am quality too. Yet, there is an undeniable part of me that thinks don’t wear that, you haven’t earned it yet.

At peace. Uniqlo sweater and socks, Scanlan Theodore turtleneck, DÔEN pants (available in beige) and Tod’s loafers. Below, my friend’s adorable piano purse. She also took the above photo.

While the topic of earning the right to wear luxury, especially at work, could be its own post, I will keep it simple for now: I have come to resent the idea you should let your luxury pieces collect dust until you’re deemed more successful and worthy by your peers. I have had to actively fight this mindset while navigating my own losses recently.

It might seem ridiculous, but I strapped on my heels from Alterre just for a quick read in the park, and it truly brightened my spirit. If the clothes are ours, we have the right wear them:

For a quick read in the park, in the Group by Babaton puffer (via Aritzia), Scanlan Theodore turtleneck, vintage polo shirt, Madewell jeans, Alterre shoes, Uniqlo socks, Able ring and earrings, Goldstories necklace, Vogue Runway tote bag and a Yeti cooler.

I have also experimented with mixing my casual and more luxurious pieces, so that I can enjoy my entire closet more regularly. Below, I try Scanlan Theodore’s crepe knit drape front jacket with simple jeans and a camisole:

In a Scanlan Theodore jacket, camisole (cashmere version), belt and boots (cute similar), Madewell jeans, Goldstories necklace and Able earrings.

Dressing through grief, loss and heartbreak is surprisingly complex, but I think it is essential to consider what we wear through the most challenging events in our lives. While not a one-stop solution to working through our sadness by any means, adorning ourselves in the best we have even when we feel our worst can go a long way. At least it has in my experience.

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With that, thank you so much for being here. Until next week…

Yours Truly,

Kyoko

I am not compensated for the features listed in All-Year Season. My sincerest thank you to Alterre and Goldstories for supporting the creation of this post.