Seeking Approval #07: Embracing Imperfection & Growing Up
The fear of peaking early, plus a recap of designs from New York Fashion Week Fall/Winter 2026.
Bolo-tie inspired pieces featuring lapis, amber and diamonds by New York-based brand Bolola. From left: the Merriam, Joanna, Merriam (with amber) and Lola.
While walking to the Whitney this weekend to take in some art (and say hello to my crush), I ran into someone I worked with a few years ago. She looked exactly the same, bare-faced and beautiful, while I felt cute but conscious of the fact I was no longer model-thin and was, probably unsuccessfully, hiding a breakout under layers of concealer. I didn’t angle for another meeting or “catch up” like I would have in 2023. It was a pleasant chance-encounter, and trying to make it more would have felt disrespectful to us both.
These days, when I attend fashion events it feels like dumb luck. I try to zoom out and appreciate my past success and how it brought me here, but it feels more like acknowledging present failure. I can’t help but see everything through a lens of comparison to who I was when people congratulated me for my work, and people I respected wanted to be close to me professionally.
Up top: the Blythe which features citrine and turquoise. Below: the Merriam and Joanna, all by Bolola.
There is a kind of fear that perpetually exists in the back of my mind. The fear of having peaked early, of not doing anything to build on my early success in a way that feels fulfilling and the fear that I will never get the chance to do it again. I attend events here and there, wondering how long it will take the PR agencies that invited me to realize I am not useful to them. I write because I love it, not because I am operating officially in the press (currently). I wonder if I am wasting space, or if I am being self-indulgent by still accepting invites that likely won’t lead to anything substantial for the designers I meet.
Lovely pendants and woven pieces from New York-based jewelry brand Gwen Beloti, here.
I fear that my writing and editing skills weaken by the year. That I am no longer that young, vibrant girl who effortlessly dressed on-season because knowing and setting trends was my job. Instead, I am the jaded, sad girl on the subway. The girl who lost her confident edge and glimmer of new talent. The girl who views collections and can barely see the greater fashion context, because I have been “out of the game” for so long.
Ease meets boldness. Fall/Winter 2026 collection pieces from New York-based brand A.Potts.
For me, this past year has been about giving back instead of focusing so much on my ambitions, as I have the majority of my twenties. I spend energy on utilizing what I have already achieved to benefit vulnerable young people. It sounds noble enough, but I do not yet know how to exist in two worlds. I do not know how to give selflessly without feeling as if I have given up on my dreams. Intellectually, I know this is all part of a larger story, but day-to-day it weighs on my spirit.
Even as I write this, I can feel how profoundly self-centered it is. How many times have I use the word “I” so far? In truth, I haven’t written an All-Year Season post since settling into my non-profit work, and this feels like a trauma-dump of sorts. Hopefully, it is as cathartic to read as it is to write.
Above: A dress from brand Hertunba (similar style here). Below: The single image I took of myself at the only NYFW appointment I attended this season. The Endery shirt, Scanlan Theodore pants, boots and belt (not pictured), my dad’s Roundtree & Yorke leather jacket, Goldstories, Etsy and Able accessories, plus Gucci bag.
Now, about my crush. We are both avid readers, and something about liking someone who also loves to read inspired me to write. Like my run-in with the former colleague, I won’t force it to be more than what it currently is, a burning crush. Still, there is something delicious about meeting someone who inspires you to do what you love, even when you barely know them. For that reason, I am grateful.
Queensyard views fit for a queen at New York’s Hudson Yards, after attending my NYFW FW26 appointment, above.
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After getting all this off my chest, I feel slightly…optimistic about the future?! It is such a pleasure to write for this cozy audience of mine. If you have read this far, I sincerely thank you for being here. With that, I hope to see you next week.
Yours Truly,
Kyoko
